April 5, 2010

the yeller

i would give anything for peace and quiet. i used to listen to my mom say that and it never meant much. these days, though, i find myself saying it. i feel like i'm running a 3 ring circus some days and it never seems to end. i am surrounded by constant chatter and noise. right now, corrina is running in circles around the dining room table, talking to herself, georgia is pulling my hair and saying "thank you, thank you, thank you", and kennedy is in my other ear, asking repeatedly "is it a cloudy day? is today a cloudy day?". somedays, i don't know how i make it through the day without pulling my hair out.

i have to admit, though, that i do my fair share to add to the noise. i am, unfortunately, "the yeller". i'd give anything to make it through one day without yelling. all this yelling, however, isn't a result of my anger or someone getting in trouble. i yell because i have to. nobody in this house listens to a word i say. it's almost like they don't even hear me, so in order to get anyone's attention, i must scream. don't get me wrong, i don't go around screaming all the time. it usually only happens after i've repeated myself 3 or 4 times. it is possible that they don't hear me. it's hard to hear anything with 3 kids, 2 televisions and a husband all making noise at once, but this taks me back to peace and quiet. if i had that for a day or even an hour, perhaps i could yell a little less. it is quite possible that i am invisible and my family never knows i'm there until i scream. that would definitely explain why they don't listen to me the first time. if you hear a voice and don't see a person, you're probably going to ignore it. oh well, i'm sure i will never have the answers to why my family doesn't hear me when i speak or why they choose to ignore it. i suppose i'll just have to go through this life hearing people whisper behind me "don't go near her, she's a yeller", and my kids saying "you can't come to my house to play, my mom is the yeller".

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