August 26, 2010

1+1=4?

Summer is almost officially over.  My oldest daughter has gone back to school and I'm preparing for my favorite time of year.  Yesterday, the weather was gorgeous.  I was able to open the windows and enjoy the fresh air.  The happiest time in my life was when I was about to have my oldest daughter.  It was wonderful!  I would open the window next to my bed and let the chilly fall air into the room.  I would drink the most wonderful mint hot chocolate (which is no longer made) and read biographies.  Every night I did this and thoroughly enjoyed the last quiet time I'd have for at least 18 years.  A couple years later, there were 2 wonderful falls in a row when I learned that I was having another baby.  Two falls later, I have learned that fact again.  Indeed, my husband and I just found out that we will be having another baby in the spring!
There are so many emotions surrounding this news.  First and foremost, we are ecstatic and thankful.  We are hopeful (at least my husband is).  This could be our last chance to have a boy.  We are worried.  There is a chance that my husband could lose his job and where would that leave us?  We are scared.  After giving  birth to my last daughter, I had a severe case of postpartum depression, it might have even been postpartum psychosis.  No, I never thought of hurting my children, but I did everything in my power to hurt myself and ruin my own life.  I'm lucky to still have my family.  This lasted a year.  It was the worst year of my life, the black year.  Perhaps there will be more on that later, I think it's something that should be shared at some point, but for now, let's get back to this new baby. 
We are thrilled to be adding another person to our family.  Some people think we're crazy and didn't think it though.  I don't like hearing "you already have 3, do you really need another" or "don't you think you should focus on the 3 you have", "isn't 3 enough".  In the end, it doesn't matter if our house is too small or if our bank account is almost empty.  What matters is that we give our children every thing they need to be happy, healthy, kind, caring individuals.  What matters is that we give them every bit of love we are capable of and then some.  We have so much to give this baby and the 3 we already have, so why shouldn't we? 

1 comment:

  1. That is the most awesome news! Congrats.

    There will always be people who think you should do things differently. I've learned, God has a plan and all you can do is hang on and enjoy the ride!

    ReplyDelete

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