September 30, 2010

one of those days

I'd give anything to just get back in bed, shut the world out and maybe have a good cry.  today, i feel disheartened and disconnected. the morning started off with one of the kids doing nothing but screaming, there was homework to be done as i made breakfast and lunch-those were the good/easy things.

i said something awful in front of my 6 year old.  i didn't mean it, i didn't mean to say it, i was frustrated and didn't even consider the fact that she was there.  i apologized. she cried anyway.  i am the worst mother ever.  after she seemed to recover from that, she got into a little bit of trouble for something she did when i wasn't around (but found out about).  she has decided that i am a spy and that the cops should be notified. 

after taking her to school, i came home, balanced the checkbook and paid some bills.  that's always discouraging.  i began to wonder what we were thinking to decide to have another baby when we're barely scraping by now.  then, i began to worry.  what will we do if my husband loses his job next month?  then i started to panic. 

after that, i realized that tomorrow is grocery shopping day and i don't have menus or a list prepared.  i promised the girls that we would do something fun today, then we pick up the oldest from school, come home and make dinner, go to a soccer game, come home and go to bed.  i suppose it will be after all this is finished that i will get my menus and grocery list finished. did i mention that my house is a mess and laundry is piling up at an astromical rate?

to add to the unsettling feeling i have in my heart, my husband's opponent has started suggesting to a few people that my husband can't be trusted not to do something dishonest and illegal.  i know i shouldn't be surprised.  during the last election, the chairman of the opposite party told people that my husband showed up to teach classes at a community college drunk first thing in the morning.  my husband does questionable things, but he would never do anything hurtful, dishonest or illegal.  i'm bothered by the fact that people will say such awful things and not think about the harm they could do, the problems that could be caused.  i suppose it happens all the time that people do things and never think of the consequences it could have on anyone else. 

days like this, it's hard to remember what a great life we have.  it's almost difficult to take comfort in all that we have.  we are blessed.  we are healthy, our needs are met and we have a lot of love to make up for what we don't have. i want to go back to bed, but instead, i'm going to grab the camera and the kids and go look for things that are yellow.

September 28, 2010

Treat Yourself Tuesday

How have you been?  have you taken any of my advice?  have you been spending 40 minutes a day on yourself?  did you stash your money?  i have to admit that i haven't been spending 40 minutes on me every day, though i have been spending a little time on myself daily.  this week, though, i'm ready to jump right in to my 40 minutes, even if i have to break out the egg timer to make sure i do!

Here are some things i'd like to share with you this week. ways to pamper yourself, using things you probably already have. 

i made the decision to not spend the $30 on the eye cream that i have been scraping out of the bottom of the jar for several months now. i tried this recipe instead:  cut 1/2 cucumber in chunks, run through the food processor and strain.  mix with 3 tablespoons of witch hazel.  use a cotton ball and dab on eyes.  you can also soak a cotton ball in this and let it rest on your eyes for 15 minutes.  i really like this one it's very refreshing.

here's the recipe for a mask i tried.  mix 1/2 cup cooked instant oatmeal, 1 egg white, a tsp olive oil and a couple drops of lemon juice. mix it together until smooth and  apply to face for 15 min.  i tried this and liked it.  i would suggest mixing it in a blender or food processor.  the oatmeal was a little chunky and didn't work well, but i will try again with blending it.  this can be used on any skin type.

only use 3-4 times a week. apply after shower to damp skin, leave for 10-15 minutes and rinse off.

mix 2 cups coffee grounds with 1/2 cup sea salt and 2 tsp of olive oil or massage oil.

a moisturizing scrub:  Combine 1 cup of sea salt, 1 cup of olive oil, 1 cup of unscented liquid soap, and few drops of your favorite oil.

at-home manicure in 10 steps

1. remove old polish. for natural nails, use a non acetone remover.

2. file nails. file nails in one direction starting at the edges and moving toward the top.

3. soak in soapy water for a few minutes to soften cuticles.

4. dot a cuticle cream or any kind of moisturizer on the cuticles and rub in.

5. use an orange wood stick (available in drugstores) to push back cuticles. only push them back, do not cut them.

6. massage hands with a hand lotion for extra moisture.

7. wipe nails with a damp cloth to remove excess oils.

8. apply a base coat. let dry

9. apply two coats of your favorite color. always apply polish by starting on the side of the nail. you should be able to cover the nail in three stokes, one on each side and one in the middle.

10. apply a top coat. remember: If you use a fast-dry top coat, your polish will not last as long.

these are some ways to treat and take care of your body.  it's a good place to start in taking care of ourselves, i think.  i think we're able to accomplish more when we feel good about the way we look and are confident in our appearance.  one more thing, one of the easiest ways to take care of yourself is to stay hydrated.  do you drink 8 glasses of water a day?

To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear.  ~Buddha

have questions?  feel free to ask.  i'll do my best to answer or refer you to the answer. 

September 24, 2010

Supermom Strikes Again!

Most days, i'm pretty sure no one will ever nominate me for mother of the year, but then there are those times, i have to think someone should.

 two days ago, we ran out of jelly.  big deal, you think.  the only thing corrina will take in her lunch is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  she won't eat anything else.  so, we ran out of jelly and i refused to go buy more.  i wouldn't buy it because i have been promising to make her favorite blueberry jelly for quite a while now.  i even took the  blueberries out of the freezer to thaw earlier this week.  so, yesterday, i decide that corrina can just deal with one of those nice round, crustless, premade pb&j sandwiches (please don't start judging me yet-save it for something better).  on the way to school yesterday, i stop at the convenience store, surely they'll sell these things, right?  wrong.  5 minutes before corrina has to be at school, i'm wondering around the damn gas station looking for anything that can substitute for a pb&j.  i bought pop tarts (still, don't start judging yet, it gets better).  now, i am ashamed and determined to get the jelly made and refuse to buy any while we were at the store.  of course, i did not have time to make the jelly yesterday.

last night, i decided to take the 2 of the girls to see a movie.  it was kennedy's first time.  after dinner, i loaded them up (corrina was still sporting her school uniform because i don't want to do more laundry than i absolutely have to) to keep them out past their bedtimes.  such a smart idea on a school night, mom.  i didn't even look in corrina's backpack when she came home from school.  since we were up too late, i overslept a little and forgot to wake corrina up for a shower this morning.  while going through her bag, i found a book that she needed to read, so i spent all of breakfast saying "come on, read and eat, read and eat".  i also discovered that today is friday, spelling test day.  we hadn't gone over her spelling words once this week because for some reason, i thought there would be an extra day.  so, on the way to school, i was shouting words back to her for her to spell.  i start to make her lunch when i remember that we have no jelly, so back to the gas station again this morning for a pop tart.  what kind of a mother am i?  one time is almost understandable, but twice? 

when i got home, i was faced with scholastic book order.  this thing was due in today.  when she brought it home well over a  week ago, she wanted me to fill it out and send it back immediately.  my answer was, "it doesn't have to be back until the 24th, i promise to look at it and make an order before then".  wow, way to go, mom.  this is the moment when someone should be filling out my nomination form. 

so, what did i do today?  i made jelly and filled out the book form which my husband returned to the school after lunch.  maybe i'm not so bad.  now, i'm going to remember to call the girl scout leader to let her know corrina will be at the cookie drive tonight (yes, i realize it starts in 2 hours, but making jelly is kind of a long process, i was busy this morning), then, maybe i'll make the call about the sleepover she's supposed to go to tomorrow night.  i am supermom!

September 22, 2010

A new baby

These two...they kill me.  today we went for my first sonogram.  they were amazed.  it's all they've talked about.  they thought it was the neatest thing to see what's inside my belly on the dr's tv.  george told me that there is a mermaid in my belly.  i have no idea where that came from!   all i've heard since 11:00 this morning is baby, baby, baby.  "mom, when is the baby going to come out of your belly?"  "mom, can we see the baby on our tv?"  "george, don't push on mommy's belly, you'll hurt our new baby."  they're killing me.

September 21, 2010

Treat yourself Tuesday-a rambling mess of thoughts and plans

After I wrote this post i realized that i'm not the only one who feels this way.  apparently, the world is full of moms who don't feel like themselves anymore or don't even know who they are anymore.  obviously, we're all wives and mothers and it seems that most of our identity ends there.  there was a time when we were comfortable with the way we looked, we were social people, we were interesting, we knew what was happening in the world.  now, we (and by we, i mean me) feel frumpy, we don't leave our house much (especially alone), we don't know what's going on in the world anymore.  the reasons for these things is lack of time, lack of money and guilt. 

 I feel frumpy because i'm overweight.  i can't get used to it.  i don't know what kind of clothes to buy that look good.  i don't want to spend money on getting my hair done, or getting manicures.  i've even taking up tweezing my own eyebrows.  the last time i got my hair done (maybe 2 months ago), all i could think of when i paid was that i just spent 8 and a half packages of diapers on my hair.  is this normal?  finally, i feel frumpy because even though i don't want to or feel guilty for spending money on myself, i'm too tired to do these things at home.  i  wake up in the morning, put my hair in a ponytail, brush my teeth and throw on whatever clothes will feel comfortable.  then, i pray that no one will feel the need to surprise me with a visit while i look this way.  guess what-no one ever does.  i have very few friends, bordering on none.  the reason for this is simple.  i hardly leave my house anymore.  i don't spend allot of time away from the kids.  i think i've lost the ability to speak to adults.  i don't know what's going on in the world.  my husband and i are so out of touch that all we discuss is our children, the fact that max and ruby seem to have no parents, how mr. krabs ended up with a whale for a daughter and we share our thoughts on the latest icarly (but not while it's on because we might miss something).  i am no longer interesting.  i no longer watch or read anything that makes me think.  i am incapable of carrying on a conversation because i no longer know anything.  i have even forgotten most of the things i used to know.  i don't even have a hobby that i can discuss.  it is now impossible for me to speak to adults without looking like a blubbering idiot. 

Where am i going with this?  i'm going to dedicate one day a week to finding ways that we can rediscover who we are as people, not just as mothers and/or wives.  i'll find ways that we can take care of ourselves without spending a ton of money or time.  i don't think i can totally fix the fact that i am a social retard, but i'm going to try to build my confidence to what it was before the children.  i'm going to make time for me. 
the plan is to start off small.  this week, i'm going to encourage you to spend 40 minutes a day on yourself.  spend 20 minutes walking, 10 minutes putting on make up and fixing your hair and 10 minutes to paint your nails or spend 15 minutes with a mask on your face, 15 minutes exercising and 10 minutes on your eyebrows.  break it up however you want, but try to spend this time doing things that are good for you physically, get a little bit of exercise, and pamper yourself a little. 

Another thing i want to suggest is that every tuesday, take $5 or $10 (or what ever you can afford) and put it aside.  this isn't a big amount, it's probably something you can afford and not notice it's gone.  we're going to start putting this money away and eventually use it to treat ourselves to something special. 

The last thing that i'm going to suggest is reading.  once a month, i will suggest a book.  i'll read the book and write my opinion and thoughts on it here.  if you read the same book, i encourage your to write your thoughts on it and link back to this site.  if you don't have a blog, i still encourage you to read the book and leave your thoughts on it in the comments.  sort of like an online book club.  let's work on making ourselves interesting again and having adult discussions. if you have any suggestions on books, you can email me. 

I don't assume that just because you are a wife and mother that you have the same social, mental and emotional problems i have.  i know that a lot of us feel the same way on at least one of these issues.  i'm not doing this to tell you how to live your life, nor am i sure that i'm giving you sound advice.  i am not a therapist, a preacher, a motivational speaker, a doctor or a stylist.  i don't even have a college degree (though i am very close).  i don't know what i am talking about.  i am only sharing this in order to keep myself motivated.  i know that i need to make some changes in my life and the way i feel about myself and  i'm happy to share these changes in hopes that it can help someone else.   it's easier to do things together than to try to go it alone.

If you don't already like me on facebook, it couldn't hurt.  you never know what kind of tips or links i'll throw out that you might not want to miss.

you don't have to be a mom, a wife, have kids at home or stay at home with your kids to enjoy this or participate.  chances are, if you're a woman of any age or background, you probably don't spend enough time on yourself.
What will you do for yourself today?

September 16, 2010

Tricho-what? How do you kow you're making the right decisions for your children?

Trichotillomania is an impulse control disorder in which the affected person repeatedly pulls out hair from any part of the body for non-cosmetic reasons. Owing to the compulsive nature of this behavior, it has been suggested that trichotillomania may be a form of obsessive compulsive disorder.  This disorder affects less than 1% of the population, mostly children under 3 and 13-16. 

So, what am i talking about and why am i talking about it?  about a year ago, our daughter's behavior started getting a little over the top.  She was stressing out about small things, she was turning small incidents into major ordeals.  She cried about everything nothing.  There was nothing that didn't make her cry and by cry, i mean sob and wail.  We thought that maybe this was just something that came with the age.  This went on until late winter.  That's when we realized that she had a small bald spot on her head.  We talked to her about it, and didn't think it would be a real problem.  Less than a month later, it seemed that about 1/4 of her head was covered only in a thin layer of fuzzy hair.  On the rest of her head, she was still sporting  long hair to the middle of her back.  It seemed like it just happened over night. 

 We couldn't see it coming.  I was making her bed one day and I looked behind it and was horrified to find hair.  i felt sick as i pulled  handful after handful of my daughter's hair from behind her bed.  except for the churning in my stomach, i was numb.  i didn't know what to think or what to do.  "why would she do this", "what is wrong with my baby" and "what did i do wrong" were a few of the things that went through my head. 
So, we took her to the dr. who told us that if she kept pulling at the rate she was going that she'd be bald within the month.  So, the dr. started her on a low dose of zoloft.  i wasn't crazy about this idea.  i was very torn about putting my 6 year old on anti depressants-what kind of a mother am i?
after starting her on the medication, her behavior improved so much.  it was unbelievable.  she could focus a little better, she wasn't stressed out, little things no longer blew up into monstrous ordeals, the wailing stopped.  it was amazing.  she stopped pulling her hair and seemed much happier.

the dr. wanted to keep her on the medication for 6 months.  after 5, we ran out and decided to go ahead and take her off of it.  3 weeks later, the over the top behavior is back.  it's bad.  she threw such a fit in the middle of the soccer field the other day (she saw a bug and it scared her) that it almost looked like she was having a seizure.  i broke down, called the doctor and had her prescription refilled.  i don't know what to do.  i can't put up with her behavior.  there is nothing i can say or do to improve it.  i can't keep her on this medication forever, but what if it's something she really needs?  what if i'm saving her from problems in adulthood by treating a problem now.  what if she doesn't really need it and we're unnecessarily messing with the chemicals in her brain.  i don't know where to begin with this subject.  i just want my little girl to have a happy, healthy, normal life.  i have always been against giving kids mood or behavior altering drugs, insisting that there has to be a natural treatment that will do a better job.  that's an easy thing to say when you're talking about someone else's kid or children in general, but it's so different when it's your child.  things are never as clear when it's your own child.

how do you feel about kids taking behavior modifying medications?  have you ever heard of trichotillomania?


I turned 30 a couple months ago and I am still wondering if i will ever grow out of the awkwardness i felt when i was 13.  will i ever really feel like a grown up or will i always feel like  a big faker.  i always feel like i'm stuck in the middle of something mediocre and something great, like eventually, everything will click and i'll finally be the person i want to be. someday... i won't be an overweight woman who doesn't look or feel good in her clothes because she's still not used to being overweight (do people get used to that?).  i won't  have bad skin and someday, i will learn the proper way to put on make up.  i won't choose between spending time with my children or doing housework-everything will be done.  i'll be able to take my daughter to school in the morning and not look like i just rolled out of bed and hopped straight into my van.  I will be able to have a conversation with another adult without turning red in the face or making an ass out of myself.  my daughter will always go to school with permissions slips signed, lunch money in hand, projects completed and they will be there before the deadline. 
i keep thinking that someday, things will come together, i'll wake up one day with new found confidence and i'll be comfortable with me.  i keep thinking, but i'm kind of beginning to doubt.

September 13, 2010

What not to wear-Maternity

After being pregnant 2 years in a row and at roughly the same time of the year, I had acquired quite the collection of maternity clothes.  However, thinking that I would never again need them, I gave them away.  Silly me.  Soon, I will have to start buying more.   At this point, I don't know what I will buy, but I'd like to share some of the things that I will NOT buy. 

I won't be buying anything with cartoon characters on it.  Sure, they're cute for the baby, but I think it can wait until after I give birth. 

I will not be sporting either of these key chains
You will not find me sporting a tee with a saying on it
just in case you didn't know what a baby is
just in case you need to convince yourself

just in case you want people to know that you really didn't want to have a baby

just to let everyone else know that you're still stylish

really?  I don't know what to say about this

Also, while I am pregnant, you will not find my husband wearing a tee with a funny saying
it is an annoying thing that happens, but let me be the one who makes this decision
are you really?

wow.  this is right up there with the epidural shirt.

just in case you need to let everyone know you're a man

I will also not be buying clothes here, here, or here because I am a grown up with a body and not a teenager.

I'm sure that these things have their appropriate time and place, even though I can't imagine when and where that would be.  One thing is for sure their place is not in my closet or on my body!

September 7, 2010

It doesn't get much better than this!

We had a productive weekend, coupled with absolutely gorgeous weather!  It couldn't have been better. 
Friday night, we went to the high school football game.  Our daughter and about 10,000 other girls cheered when the game started.

Saturday, my husband took the girls to visit his aunt and uncle's farm.  I wasn't  able to take pictures there because I had lunch with a friend who is moving across the country even as I write this (Bye, Jenn).  I hear that they had a blast and got to have a tea party with a real china tea set.  I probably would have been a nervous wreck over this, so it's probably better that I wasn't there!

Sunday, we went to a fish fry.  The girls had fun and got to stay up way too late and run around like clowns. 

I almost took pictures of our very neat closets and newly organized drawers.  I spent almost as much time with them as I did with the kids this weekend!  I decided not to, though, it would be weird.  It was tempting, though because even my husband's side of the closet and drawers were organized.  I even got him to take some clothes to salvation army!  I've been after him to do this for years. 

By the way, I took  this cake to the fish fry Sunday.  It was absolutely delicious and so easy to make.  I highly recommend it! 

I hope that your weekend was spent making memories with friends and family and that you didn't work too hard.  How did you spend your holiday weekend? 

September 2, 2010

Run Forrest, Run!

I actually got up a little before 6 this morning (i actually beat the alarm) to go for my morning walk.  I was so proud of myself for getting up and getting out without waking anybody up.  It's still dark outside when I start walking.  It rained last night, so as I walk under low tree branches, I get sprinkled with water from the leaves.  It's nice, even though it's pretty warm and humid for 6am.  I'm walking by the school (which has no trees) and I realize the nice sprinkles coming off the trees is really rain falling through the leaves.  I was being rained on and didn't realize it.  I am a GENIUS!
At this point, it started raining harder, so I had to turn around and run home.  I'm sure the running was good for me, but most fat people do not enjoy running and I think I'm one of them.  So, what started as a good morning ended with me being wet and running through the rain (with my camera in my hand) like an idiot.  It's a good thing there isn't anyone out that early.  Although, I'm pretty sure the milkman at the school was laughing at me.  He got to witness my realization that it was raining on me and my turning around and bolting.
Now that I've made breakfast and got my husband and my oldest daughter out the door, I want to go back to bed.  I have a to do list a mile long staring at me, but I'm tempted to hold it over a candle and head back upstairs.  Why is it that when one of my plans gets ruined or doesn't turn out just right, I'm so quick to let it change my other plans?  It's probably just laziness.  Oh well, I guess I'll get started on that list.  

Are you a morning person? 


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...