September 21, 2010

Treat yourself Tuesday-a rambling mess of thoughts and plans

After I wrote this post i realized that i'm not the only one who feels this way.  apparently, the world is full of moms who don't feel like themselves anymore or don't even know who they are anymore.  obviously, we're all wives and mothers and it seems that most of our identity ends there.  there was a time when we were comfortable with the way we looked, we were social people, we were interesting, we knew what was happening in the world.  now, we (and by we, i mean me) feel frumpy, we don't leave our house much (especially alone), we don't know what's going on in the world anymore.  the reasons for these things is lack of time, lack of money and guilt. 

 I feel frumpy because i'm overweight.  i can't get used to it.  i don't know what kind of clothes to buy that look good.  i don't want to spend money on getting my hair done, or getting manicures.  i've even taking up tweezing my own eyebrows.  the last time i got my hair done (maybe 2 months ago), all i could think of when i paid was that i just spent 8 and a half packages of diapers on my hair.  is this normal?  finally, i feel frumpy because even though i don't want to or feel guilty for spending money on myself, i'm too tired to do these things at home.  i  wake up in the morning, put my hair in a ponytail, brush my teeth and throw on whatever clothes will feel comfortable.  then, i pray that no one will feel the need to surprise me with a visit while i look this way.  guess what-no one ever does.  i have very few friends, bordering on none.  the reason for this is simple.  i hardly leave my house anymore.  i don't spend allot of time away from the kids.  i think i've lost the ability to speak to adults.  i don't know what's going on in the world.  my husband and i are so out of touch that all we discuss is our children, the fact that max and ruby seem to have no parents, how mr. krabs ended up with a whale for a daughter and we share our thoughts on the latest icarly (but not while it's on because we might miss something).  i am no longer interesting.  i no longer watch or read anything that makes me think.  i am incapable of carrying on a conversation because i no longer know anything.  i have even forgotten most of the things i used to know.  i don't even have a hobby that i can discuss.  it is now impossible for me to speak to adults without looking like a blubbering idiot. 

Where am i going with this?  i'm going to dedicate one day a week to finding ways that we can rediscover who we are as people, not just as mothers and/or wives.  i'll find ways that we can take care of ourselves without spending a ton of money or time.  i don't think i can totally fix the fact that i am a social retard, but i'm going to try to build my confidence to what it was before the children.  i'm going to make time for me. 
the plan is to start off small.  this week, i'm going to encourage you to spend 40 minutes a day on yourself.  spend 20 minutes walking, 10 minutes putting on make up and fixing your hair and 10 minutes to paint your nails or spend 15 minutes with a mask on your face, 15 minutes exercising and 10 minutes on your eyebrows.  break it up however you want, but try to spend this time doing things that are good for you physically, get a little bit of exercise, and pamper yourself a little. 

Another thing i want to suggest is that every tuesday, take $5 or $10 (or what ever you can afford) and put it aside.  this isn't a big amount, it's probably something you can afford and not notice it's gone.  we're going to start putting this money away and eventually use it to treat ourselves to something special. 

The last thing that i'm going to suggest is reading.  once a month, i will suggest a book.  i'll read the book and write my opinion and thoughts on it here.  if you read the same book, i encourage your to write your thoughts on it and link back to this site.  if you don't have a blog, i still encourage you to read the book and leave your thoughts on it in the comments.  sort of like an online book club.  let's work on making ourselves interesting again and having adult discussions. if you have any suggestions on books, you can email me. 

I don't assume that just because you are a wife and mother that you have the same social, mental and emotional problems i have.  i know that a lot of us feel the same way on at least one of these issues.  i'm not doing this to tell you how to live your life, nor am i sure that i'm giving you sound advice.  i am not a therapist, a preacher, a motivational speaker, a doctor or a stylist.  i don't even have a college degree (though i am very close).  i don't know what i am talking about.  i am only sharing this in order to keep myself motivated.  i know that i need to make some changes in my life and the way i feel about myself and  i'm happy to share these changes in hopes that it can help someone else.   it's easier to do things together than to try to go it alone.

If you don't already like me on facebook, it couldn't hurt.  you never know what kind of tips or links i'll throw out that you might not want to miss.

you don't have to be a mom, a wife, have kids at home or stay at home with your kids to enjoy this or participate.  chances are, if you're a woman of any age or background, you probably don't spend enough time on yourself.
What will you do for yourself today?

1 comment:

  1. This made me laugh! Girl, I am proud to tell you I am 42. 30-40 were the toughest years for me. Like you, I always felt guilty doing anything for myself. Words of wisdom.... DO IT! DON'T FEEL GUILTY! My children are now 18 and 10 so that makes it easier but the best thing I ever did was to start taking care of ME.
    You deserve it :)


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