April 12, 2011

Doubt

Will it be today?  Maybe tomorrow.  Maybe not until next week.  I'm suddenly terrified of having a baby.  I'm trying to keep the floors swept, the laundry done and couple days of meals made, hoping it gives me the appearance of being ready. 

I'm not.

Do I know what I'm doing?  Will I ever sleep again?  How will I split my time between four?  Right now, I feel like I'm failing with only three.  Will I break down again?  I can't.  It will kill me.  This is what terrifies me the most.

The closer it gets, the more scared I get.  Maybe this is where I went wrong before.  Maybe I wasn't scared enough.  Maybe I thought too highly of myself and my abilities.  That's a mistake that I'm not making this time.

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