June 30, 2011

Truths About Motherhood

Once you make the decision to have children, you are actually making the decision to turn yourself into a completely different person, whether you know it or not.  No matter how many times you say "I will always be unique, nothing is going to change that", "I would never say/do that" or "That's just gross", it will happen to you.  In fact, before you have children, you should never look at a situation or start a judgmental statement with "I would never..." because I guarantee that at some point you will.  Then you will be stuck with the realization that everything you once told yourself was a lie.  The person you worked so hard to become is gone and will probably never resurface.  You are now just mom and motherhood lasts forever.  There are so many ways you change after having children and so many things that will almost certainly happen to you that no one ever thought to prepare you for.  Some things I learned right away and some it has taken having 4 children before I learned them.

After having children:
-You can never confidently sneeze again.
-Your house will never be ready for unexpected company.  There will always toys on the floor or someone running around naked.

-Breastfeeding is DIFFICULT, but so worth it.

-There will come a time when being peed on is OK because you know it's probably not the worst thing that will happen on any given day.

-You will leave the house with unidentified crud on your shirt or in your hair.  Someone who has no children will find it and point it out.

-You will never run out of things to talk about with your partner.  In the first couple years, you will be amazed at how many of your conversations will be centered around poop.

-Using cloth diapers really isn't so bad.

-Showers become less of a necessity and more of a luxury. 

-Your idea of clean becomes relative.

-You will not shower or pee in private for a very long time.  They always find a way in, or knock on the door to see what you're doing or shove their fingers under the door.

-Babywearing is a necessity if you ever what to accomplish anything.

-Co-sleeping isn't really as dangerous, inconvenient or creepy as you may have thought.  In fact, it's the opposite.
-At some point, expressions like "turn that racket down" will fall out of your mouth before you can stop it.

-You will be expected to have a good answer for everything.  Remember when you were a kid and you always knew that your mom would be able to give you sound advice on everything.  That is now expected of you.

-You will no longer be the center of your own universe.  Your needs/wants/hopes/dreams/expectations will be put on hold for a very long time.  You don't even get to be sick, tired or injured.

-Your children will embarrass you in a way you never thought they could.  While in the checkout lane, they will very loudly ask if the man in front of you has a baby in his big belly, tell their teacher that you spent too long in the bathroom last night or loudly comment on the way the lady sitting next to them in church smells.

-You are not alone. 

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