August 29, 2011

10 Thoughts Better Left Unsaid


1.  "I hope you're finished [having babies].  Don't you think you have enough [children]?"

      I don't understand why the number of children I have offends so many people.  Are you paying for college?  No?  Then why do you care if I have more babies?  Also, my baby is only 4 months old.  Why do I have to decide right now if we're going to have more?

2.  "They're getting so big.  Soon, they'll all be in school and you'll have to get a real job."

      Well, tell me what you really think about the job I do.  Why is managing a family of 6 not a real job?  It is not an easy job.  It is sometimes very taxing and it never ends.  Is lack of a paycheck the only thing that keeps it from being a real job or is there more?

3.  Don't refer to my baby as "it".

     There is never a situation where this is acceptable.  If you can't tell if the baby is a boy or girl, ask!  Even calling my baby girl him is a better, less offensive alternative to "it".  She is a tiny person, not a belonging!

4.  "I'm sorry you never got your boy."

     I suppose that there are people out there who are seriously put off by the sex of their child, but I can't imagine there are many.  Do I look like one of these people?  I love my children no matter what they do or who they are.  Why would you think I'd care if I have boys or girls?  Even if I am still holding out hope for a boy (which I'm not), there is still plenty of time.

5.  "You're a mother of 4?  I don't believe it.  Well, maybe I do."

      It has happened more than once that someone has told me that I don't look old enough to have 4 kids.  Then, they catch a glimpse of the size of my ass and seem to change their mind.  Yes, I know it's big.  It has to be.  I have 4 kids following behind me too closely and running into it all day long.

6.  "How does she (the baby) sleep at night?"

     I have a lot of problems with this question.  Does it really matter how she sleeps at night as long as we're getting enough rest every day?  If I say that she doesn't sleep well, will I get advice on how to "fix her"?  If I say that she sleeps great...with me, will I get a lecture on how unsafe and unwise that is?  I think a better question to ask a mom is "are you getting enough rest? how can I help?".

7.  "Whoa, you have your hands full."

      Yes, my hands, my car, my house, my bed and my heart.

8.  "None of your kids has ever had a shot?  Do you want them to get sick?  You know they can't go to school, right?"

     I especially hate this coming from medical professionals.  There have been times when my children have seen doctors other than their own and we have been lectured.  The obvious answer is NO, I do not want my children to get sick.  That is why I have spent so much time reading books and educating myself on vaccines, their ingredients, safety and statistics.  How many of your other patients can say that? 
Also, my children can go to school.  Our beliefs are protected by law.

9.  "You're pregnant again?  You know how that happens, right?"

     I'm not even sure what to say about this.  This is especially a favorite among old men.  I'm not sure I've ever had a woman say this to me.  What do you want me to say?  You mean, it's not in the water?  yuck yuck yuck...

10.  "Wouldn't she be more satisfied with formula?"

        I'm not going to lie, it took me four children to not let this one get to me.  With my first 3, I was naive enough to believe that she would.  Now, I know better.  Everyone knows that breastfeeding is best for the baby, so why so much discouragement?  Why not try saying "Isn't it wonderful that you get to spend all that extra time with the baby while you're nursing?". 

6 comments:

  1. I LOVE this post! I have been reading your blog for a couple of weeks and I love it. I also have a 7yr old, Carolina... Its always nice to read a blog by someone that actually has more then one kid and doesnt think they know everything there is to know about raising a housefull (I have three, all very close in age)!

    I think the only comment your missing from your list (this comment almost drove me over the edge when I was pregnant) is: "OMG, your getting huge!"
    Who says that to a very pregnant woman??? Men, women, family, friends! I got it from everybody, every pregnancy! No matter how little weight I had gained. Urg... so rude!!!

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  2. My Mother in Law loves to tell me how now that the baby is 6 months old I can start feeding her real food and not have to worry about breastfeeding her all the time.

    Instead of wanting to punch her, I should buy a bottle of wine.

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  3. My child isn't even born yet and I'm already hearing really ridiculous stuff from friends and family. Every time someone asks me what name I've chosen for a girl, one of my close friends tells me she thinks it's a dumb name. Last time I checked, it wasn't her baby or her right to choose the name. I'm a little over two months pregnant and I've already been told by a family member I'm getting chunky. News flash! I've been chunky. I'm not even showing yet. And finally, when people ask me how I've been feeling and I tell them I haven't been sick at all they ask me if I'm lying. Yep, I sure am. So far the only problems I've had are being tired and not being able to sleep well. I don't understand where people think they have the right to comment on other's lives. And by the way, being a housewife is a job. Just because in 2011 there aren't many homemakers left doesn't mean it's totally outdated. I would love to stay home and take care of my baby and my family. People are insensitive, immature, and just plain rude.

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  4. Mandi-i have no idea what the hell i'm doing! perhaps some day i should publish a book of things i actually google!

    Rachel-i always feel less punchy after a bottle of wine! but really, you should get that baby started on some food. ;)

    Amanda-it's only started. pregnant women seem to be public property. every tom, dick and joe will be giving you advice, horror stories and touching you. you will probably not ask for or even want any of this. i promise not to do this to you...unless you ask! nobody liked the name stella beore she was born and we weren't sure about it. now, it seems that everyone loves it (or says they do). as long as it's a real name and not an object or something unpronounceable it'll be just fine!

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  5. I was at a big box electronics store where an "usher" stands at the front of the checkout line and tells you which numbered cashier to go to. Basically, I was ten deep and saw 4 people, men and women, reach out and pat the very pregnant usher's belly. I was horrified for her. What could she have said or done? She was at work after all!!!

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  6. I think I would have to tell people to stop. If she weren't pregnant and customers were touching her stomach as they walked by, I think that would be harassment. Why isn't it just because she's having a baby?

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