January 23, 2012

Sew Tired

Remember this commercial?



This has been me since Friday morning.  But, you know, without the drugs. 

I cleaned the toy room and haven't stopped moving since.  For months, I've just been standing in the doorway, tossing things in and running before they hit the ground.  I figured it was time to get it back in working order. 

As a reward, I finally opened my Christmas present.  A sewing machine.  Then I just sat there and looked at it because I'm not really sure what to do with it.  I want to sew things so badly, but it's just sitting there, all shiny and white and intimidating.  Instead of sewing, I watched Downton Abbey.  After every episode, I walk back to the machine to see if it has threaded itself.  It never did so I watched the whole first season.  Now I'm addicted and the sewing machine still sits there. 

I desperately need a nap.

January 19, 2012

Faking It

I have picked myself up, dusted myself off and gave myself a pep talk.  The same one I would give to you if you were feeling overwhelmed.  These things need to be done from time to time.  Being a woman, mother, and wife is a BIG job, one that never ends.  I'd love to meet the person who can do it all without having any doubts. 

The truth is, that when it comes to confidence, I've never had much.  It's something that I fake.  Not well and not often.  Perhaps nobody really has confidence in themselves or the things they do.  Maybe everyone really just walks around pretending they do so much that eventually they begin to believe it.  Maybe I should do a better job at faking it and do it more often.


I'm now on instagram.  I am @drnknhousewife if you'd like to follow me.  How about you?  I'd love to follow you!

January 17, 2012

Back and Forth


Sitting here while two little girls sleep and one watches Snow White, I wonder if maybe it's time for me to start transitioning out of their room. 
They all wake up so frequently, though. 
I like being here when they need me and it's just so much easier to be in the same room with the three of them. 
If I weren't, I probably wouldn't get any sleep because I'd be running back and forth so often.
I hurt my shoulder so pretty much any position I get in for night time nursing is excruciating, maybe it's time to move Stella to her crib. 
I think there's something so special and almost magical about bedtime and sharing a room with your sisters.  I wonder if my being here is taking away from that. 
I love these moments, when they're all falling asleep and I sit in the rocking chair for a couple minutes to write. 
I love looking at their faces in the soft light as they drift off to sleep, knowing that I'm here and they're safe. 
I love when Georgia whispers "I love you, mom" in her sleep.
I love reaching out my hand and feeling Stella's little baby belly rise and fall with every little baby breath.  It's so easy to make sure that she's alright. 
I love holding Kennedy and stroking her hair when she has a bad dream or can't go to sleep. 
I love reading books to all of them and watching movies and talking and being silly. 
Maybe I'll stay a little while longer.  I suppose when it's time, I'll just know and won't question it so much. 

Linking up with


January 13, 2012

Spiralling

A couple months ago, I was in this wonderful place.  It was a perfect place where I was so thankful for and happy with everything I have in life.  I was content, I was energetic, I was productive.  Then, I lost it.  I want so badly to get back to that place. 

I've tried changing and fixing a few things, but it doesn't seem to be working the way I had hoped.  I'm full of worry and anger and sadness and the feeling that I am just not enough.  If I could only get a good night's sleep, it would be better.  If only I could get the house cleaned, my head won't feel as messy.  If only, if only...I am not enough. 

I need to be recharged physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, but I don't know how.  I don't know where to start.  I want to feel alive, needed, worthy, inspired.  I don't want to be everything.  I just want to be enough. 

January 5, 2012

2011 Favorites

Here are my favorite pictures from 2011.


this was kind of hard because i still have not retrieved my pictures from my old computer


So I had to choose from the last 2 months and what had already been posted


I'm not going to go into detail as to why they're my favorite.

they're not the best


they're not even really good


but they are me


and they are the best parts of me


they are pictures of everything that makes me happy
and proud


They are pictures of my heart


linking up with
Photobucket



January 3, 2012

Obligatory New Year Post

I'm not sure if you heard or not, but it is now 2012.  Actually, it has been for a couple days.  There are some things that I'd like to change, make better, get rid of and forget.  I'm not going to call them my new year's resolutions, though, because I'll be stuck with this post as proof that I couldn't stick with them.  I will call them my January resolutions.  My goal is to try a few things out this month and see how they go.  If it goes well, they will become habit and I can move on to something else.  If not, well, I tried for a month. 

So, this month, I'd like to do a few things to feel better about myself.  For starters, I'd like to go to the gym 3 times a week.  I was doing so good about going regularly until Stella was about a month old.  Now that she's 8 months old, I suppose I should probably get back into the swing of things.

I'm also going to make this month's goal to only wear yoga pants when doing some kind of exercise.  That's right, I'm going to try very hard to put on pants that button and zip every morning.

The last thing I'd like to do for myself this month is clean out and restock my drawer of unmentionables.  I'm going to take the time to buy myself some undies that not only fit but are also pretty!  I am 30 pounds lighter than I was before I got pregnant.  Now that I am no longer that large, nor am I pregnant, I suppose my drawers should no longer resemble a hot air balloon. 


I think that's enough for now.  I do have loftier aspirations than these, but I think it's best to start small and see where I end up next month.  I don't want to overwhelm myself.  Besides, what more can I say after admitting to the world that I wear huge undies?

How about you?  What areas of your life do you hope to make better this year?



January 2, 2012

A Humbling Experience

I spent too much of my time yesterday arguing over parenting styles and decisions.  Normally, I wouldn't do this.  Not this topic, not with this person.  Listening to this person talk about a particular couple and their children struck a nerve.  I am tired of keeping my mouth shut about these people and their decisions.  I am tired of listening to stories of their "parenting strategies", which in my mind border on abuse and neglect.  I know that anything I said was not actually listened to or thought about.  You can expect that when talking to someone who knows everything.  I knew that going in, but felt that someone should talk in defense of these kids.  I couldn't help but feel that it was probably the only time it will happen.  Everyone seems to have their opinions and feelings about this family, but no one ever steps up to say anything. 

Parenting is hard.  I know that.  I also know that when it comes to being a good parent, I know NOTHING.  I would never criticize anyone for trying the best they can and failing in any parenting situation.  I will, however criticize people who don't try, don't listen, don't understand and don't care.  When I was done, I came home to my own house and my own family.  I had something to set straight and an apology to make and had finally found the words to do it.  I lost it with Corrina yesterday about how little effort she puts into anything.  I yelled and said some pretty harsh things.  I regretted them the minute they were out of my mouth, but couldn't take them back and didn't know how to fix it.

Now, it was time.  I had to sit down with my 8 year old and tell her that I'm sorry.  I told her that I wish she would put more effort into anything (or everything) she does and that it frustrates me that she doesn't.  I told her that my yelling was merely a reaction to my frustration and that it was the wrong one.  I reassured that my reaction has nothing to do with the way I feel about her and that she is not the one with the problem.  It's my problem.  I had to admit to this girl that it is my job to teach her and if I don't take the time to do it, I can't complain when she doesn't do things the way I expect or hope.  It was humbling, to say the least, but the look on her face made it so worth it.  She looked like a weight was lifted off of her.  Her face brightened as the realization hit her that I love her no matter what, I make mistakes too, I fail at tasks and I will admit it, that I respect her, will ask for her forgiveness and for her help. 





Back In The Saddle

Hello.  My name is Brandi and this is my blog.  I just thought I'd throw that out there because honestly, I almost forgot it.  There are several reasons why.  In an attempt to not bore you too much with the details, I will give you a list of reasons why I have been slacking.  Everyone loves a list, right?

1.  December with 4 kids.  Need I say more?

2.  You should always read your prescription bottles, even if it is the same thing month after month.  This may sound like a no brainer, but I am just the kind of person who doesn't do this.

3.  I have been trying to spend less time with my computer and more time with my kids.  It has been pretty wonderful.

4.  I have been toying with the idea of changing the name of my blog.  The Drunken Housewife is kind of feeling like my pre-pregnancy jeans.  It's cute, but just doesn't fit the way I would like.

5.  I have also been toying with the idea of scrapping the whole thing and starting over or not starting over. 

For now, I will be back to posting regularly and we'll just see what direction that takes me.  Maybe all I need is a sprucing up or a new design and all will be well.  After all, this is my space and it should feel a bit more like me.

I hope you had a wonderful holiday and Happy New Year!







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