Parenting is hard. I know that. I also know that when it comes to being a good parent, I know NOTHING. I would never criticize anyone for trying the best they can and failing in any parenting situation. I will, however criticize people who don't try, don't listen, don't understand and don't care. When I was done, I came home to my own house and my own family. I had something to set straight and an apology to make and had finally found the words to do it. I lost it with Corrina yesterday about how little effort she puts into anything. I yelled and said some pretty harsh things. I regretted them the minute they were out of my mouth, but couldn't take them back and didn't know how to fix it.
Now, it was time. I had to sit down with my 8 year old and tell her that I'm sorry. I told her that I wish she would put more effort into anything (or everything) she does and that it frustrates me that she doesn't. I told her that my yelling was merely a reaction to my frustration and that it was the wrong one. I reassured that my reaction has nothing to do with the way I feel about her and that she is not the one with the problem. It's my problem. I had to admit to this girl that it is my job to teach her and if I don't take the time to do it, I can't complain when she doesn't do things the way I expect or hope. It was humbling, to say the least, but the look on her face made it so worth it. She looked like a weight was lifted off of her. Her face brightened as the realization hit her that I love her no matter what, I make mistakes too, I fail at tasks and I will admit it, that I respect her, will ask for her forgiveness and for her help.